I'm feeling more pressure to get some things figured out with little Olive. I have to go back to work May 2. Luckily it is just for three weeks before summer is here, but I still feel the pressure and need to have certain things in place. 1. I've started pumping to stockpile a milk supply for Olive's caregivers while I am at work. I want there to be plenty of milk around in hopes things will be less stressful for her with me gone if she may eat and snack at her leisure. Also, I wouldn't mind if she started taking the occasional bottle with Mark in the afternoons or on the weekend so I can have more time to get things done, or even run to the store without thinking there could be a hysterical baby waiting for me when I get home. 2. Sleeping. Ah yes that cursed word when it comes to a newborn. I realize at 5 weeks she is too young to expect much in the sleeping department, but last night she decided to have another one of her marathon-I'm-going-to-be-awake-from-2-until-4-am nights. If she wants to wake up every two hours fine, but I don't know how I will possibly be able to teach if I am awake 2-4 with her. So today began keeping her awake as much as possible, and not letting her take any of her 4 hour naps which I relish (because I take them with her). Ironically in order to insure she takes short naps I just put her to sleep in her bassinet, where she sleeps for 30min tops.
The problem is that these two goals conflict with each other. If she is aWake a lot during the day, then she wants to be held and interacted with which leaves me little time to pump. Hopefully we will get it all figured out soon.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
5 weeks old tomorrow
Not to be redundant, but Olive will be five weeks old tomorrow. In someways that feels like a short time, and in others it feels like a significant amount of time. As I have stated before on here she has changed. She spends more time happily awake and alert. All four of her grandparents can confirm this as she has been doing a lot of skyping, and ichatting lately. She also spends time unhappily awake and alert, where she cries and screams, but that usually has more to do with me trying to convince her that she can fall asleep if I just rock her in my arms rather than walk around with her. Since we've been home from the hospital I think I have done about a million laps around our apartment walking her to sleep.
I love seeing her grow and develop. As she matures she becomes more aware of the world around her, and more independent which means I get more moments like this, where I can type without a baby in my arms. But at the same time I love that she is a tiny baby (okay she was never exactly "tiny") and as much as I want her to sleep in her own bed, I can't help but think I will miss her when she finally does. Jen was over on Friday night and commented on how much bigger Olive seems to be. It made me feel happy and sad at the same time. I want Olive to grow and develop, but I also want her to stay my baby for as long as possible.
I love seeing her grow and develop. As she matures she becomes more aware of the world around her, and more independent which means I get more moments like this, where I can type without a baby in my arms. But at the same time I love that she is a tiny baby (okay she was never exactly "tiny") and as much as I want her to sleep in her own bed, I can't help but think I will miss her when she finally does. Jen was over on Friday night and commented on how much bigger Olive seems to be. It made me feel happy and sad at the same time. I want Olive to grow and develop, but I also want her to stay my baby for as long as possible.
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| Smiling in her sleep. And before anyone freaks out that I have her sleeping on her stomach, I had just laid her on our bed while I got dressed, I figured as long as I was watching her, she couldn't suffocate or anything else. |
Monday, April 11, 2011
Defying Gravity
If this blog still exists in some form in 12 or so years this is the first entry I can see Olive finding to be truly embarrassing. I want to talk about her poop and gas. According to the books I've read, one way to know if your baby is healthy and getting enough to eat is if they have at least two quarter sized poops a day. I don't have to worry about this because Olive poops 6-8 times a day. And it's not just that she poops a lot, it's the noise that goes along with her poops. She is so loud you can hear her from across the room. The other day she was in the bedroom with Mark and I was in the bathroom with the door closed, and I could hear her poop. Along with the sound comes the velocity. I am waiting for the day when she is getting her diaper changed and she decides to poop, because I am pretty sure it is going to shoot across the room. Based on the sound, and how it feels through her diaper; if there weren't a barrier stopping it, she would be a projectile pooper. She also has force and sound behind her toots as well. When she passes gas it sounds like an adult. It is hilarious and cracks us up every time.
Here comes the part where she defies the laws of physics, twice this week when I was holding Olive in an upright position she pooped and it somehow ended up going up the back of her diaper and coming out the top. This physically doesn't make sense to me. If she is upright, how does the poop climb up her back?
On a side note When Mark was holding her today she pooped and it shot out the leg of her diaper, and all over his shorts. I was in the bedroom on the phone at the time, and all I could hear was Mark saying several times, "Oh my god," with increasing urgency in his voice. At first I thought Tiger must have either done something really good, or really bad, (Mark was watching the Masters at the time) then I thought maybe he dropped the baby. Nope, he came in the bedroom with poop running down his shorts. The funny thing was the poop was just on a small portion of Olive's leg hole of her onesie. She barely even had any on her leg.
Anyone who knows Mark knows he loves to watch Maury. He only watches the "Baby Daddy" episodes, and typically roots for the men not to be the father. Anyone who has seen one of these episodes also knows that often times the women make claims that the man must be the father based on some physical feature she believes the baby and "father" have in common. Sometimes these characteristics are more legitimate than other times; they have the same eyes vs. they have the same cough, or the same big toe. Mark and I have always joked about going on Maury, I told him if we go I am going to claim that Olive must be his since they have the same digestive tract. She poops and farts just as much as he does, and with the same loudness as well.
Alright enough poop talk. Here is a list of the things I am loving about Olive right now. I love every moment with her, but these are the moments that stand out just a little more than the others.
Here comes the part where she defies the laws of physics, twice this week when I was holding Olive in an upright position she pooped and it somehow ended up going up the back of her diaper and coming out the top. This physically doesn't make sense to me. If she is upright, how does the poop climb up her back?
On a side note When Mark was holding her today she pooped and it shot out the leg of her diaper, and all over his shorts. I was in the bedroom on the phone at the time, and all I could hear was Mark saying several times, "Oh my god," with increasing urgency in his voice. At first I thought Tiger must have either done something really good, or really bad, (Mark was watching the Masters at the time) then I thought maybe he dropped the baby. Nope, he came in the bedroom with poop running down his shorts. The funny thing was the poop was just on a small portion of Olive's leg hole of her onesie. She barely even had any on her leg.
Anyone who knows Mark knows he loves to watch Maury. He only watches the "Baby Daddy" episodes, and typically roots for the men not to be the father. Anyone who has seen one of these episodes also knows that often times the women make claims that the man must be the father based on some physical feature she believes the baby and "father" have in common. Sometimes these characteristics are more legitimate than other times; they have the same eyes vs. they have the same cough, or the same big toe. Mark and I have always joked about going on Maury, I told him if we go I am going to claim that Olive must be his since they have the same digestive tract. She poops and farts just as much as he does, and with the same loudness as well.
Alright enough poop talk. Here is a list of the things I am loving about Olive right now. I love every moment with her, but these are the moments that stand out just a little more than the others.
- When she smiles in her sleep.
- When her hair looks extra crazy after she sleeps on it funny.
- The face she makes when she is trying to poop.
- When she looks up and realizes it is either Mark or me, and she smiles.
- Her cooing noises
- Her pooping noises
- When she sleeps with her head on my chest.
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| Getting some love from Mommy |
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| Talking to Daddy |
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| She finds her Daddy fascinating. |
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| Saying goodbye to Aunt Stacy. |
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| Happy girl. |
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| Dreaming of IU's basketball future, and hoping it will be better than the recent past. |
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| happy |
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| First time with my headband. |
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| My first doll from Nadia at Daddy's work. |
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| I make this face a lot, but I am getting better. |
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| Laying on my beautifully monogrammed blanket. |
Monday, April 4, 2011
3 weeks
Olive is three weeks old today. It's pretty phenomenal how much she seems to be changing and growing all the time. A couple of days ago I was holding her in my lap so she was facing me, and she suddenly looked at me and really and truly focused on me for the first time. I know that she can distinguish me from other people because hey. I'm the one with the milk. But until that point her recognition has always been more physical, she knows my smell, my touch, my sounds, this was the first time she really focused on me with her eyes.
Other ways she is developing include spending more time awake. I should say more calm time awake. These are times where someone is holding her, and she just looks around and is content. She loves to be held, all the time; even when she is sleeping. Which can be difficult, I hadn't planned on her sleeping in bed with us; but then I think soon enough she will be in a crib in another roomand I will miss having her sleep on me all the time so I try to enjoy it. I spend lots of my time with her trying to cherish every moment, because I know she will change, and develop so quickly. I don't want to miss anything.
Other ways she is developing include spending more time awake. I should say more calm time awake. These are times where someone is holding her, and she just looks around and is content. She loves to be held, all the time; even when she is sleeping. Which can be difficult, I hadn't planned on her sleeping in bed with us; but then I think soon enough she will be in a crib in another roomand I will miss having her sleep on me all the time so I try to enjoy it. I spend lots of my time with her trying to cherish every moment, because I know she will change, and develop so quickly. I don't want to miss anything.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
And she was all yellow.
I began this post almost a week ago, and this is the first chance I've had to come back an finish it. Olive is sleeping on Mark right now, and rooting for the Gators in the basketball game. Luckily Mark is not quite as physical or verbal during basketball games, so I think I should have enough time to finish...
Well she is here. Olive Fiona Messier arrived one week ago today at 4:52 in the afternoon. She was 22 inches long, 9lb 12 oz with bright red hair. She ended up coming to us by c-section. Which was definitely not the original plan, but if this last year has taught me anything; "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."
When I had my last doctor's appt. they told us that they thought Olive was going to be pretty big. They also said I was still only dilated 1 and 1/2 cm. Mark and I agreed that we were willing to be induced Monday, March 14. That would be twelve days past our due date, and we felt at that point we had given enough time for things to get started on their own.
One of the bonuses of getting induced, was that my parents were able to know exactly when to come to town so they would not miss the birth. They arrived Sunday afternoon, Mark's parents were already in town, and we were all able to go out to dinner together Sunday evening. It was nice to have one last evening out all together in anticipation of our Baby Gator.
The doctors wanted me to come in Sunday night, and if I was still less than 2 cm, than they wanted me to spend the night receiving cervidil, a drug that helps ripen the cervix. Once we got to the hospital, and they checked me I was still only 1 and 1/2 cm. Which meant I needed the cervidil. My Dad ended up spending the night at the hospital with me. We knew that in all likelihood nothing was going to happen that night, and Mark is a notoriously terrible sleeper. I just made more sense to have my Dad who can sleep anywhere to stay with me. With the cervidil the baby had to be monitored at all times, which would not have been so bad except the bed was uncomfortable, and since I could only sleep on my side; every hour the side I was laying on would become so sore, and I would need to flip over. This meant a nurse coming in within 10 minutes of me flipping over to adjust the monitors on my belly. Between that and getting up to pee it was a pretty restless night.
The next morning Mark and my Mom arrived at the hospital. The removed the cervidil, and started me on pitocin. The pitocin wasn't very bad at first. From about 7:30-11:00 I was on the pitocin having contractions, thinking back that time doesn't really stand out for me. I was having contractions, but they weren't that bad. Then around 11 the doctor came in to check me, and break my water. I was dilated to 3 cm. When she broke my water there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. Which basically means the baby pooped in the uterus. This can be problematic for a few reasons, one of the positives for me was that it meant the doctor did not want to check my cervix very often because they did not want to contaminate anything.
At that point the doctor said they were expecting me to dilate about a cm an hour. From 11-4 the contractions got bad. Really bad. They were 1-2 1/2 minutes apart, and very intense. Around 3:30 Mark and I started talking about an epidural. My feeling was that I was already exhausted, and having the contractions so close together for so long meant I wasn't getting any sort of break. I couldn't rest at all and with the lack of sleep the night before I was worried that when it came time to push I wouldn't have any energy left and might end up needed a c-section. Mark and I agreed that it would be worth it to have the epidural if it meant not needing a c-section.
We called for the nurse, and they came in to give me the epidural almost right away. Right after that my doctor came in to check my progress. I had a feeling I had not progressed very far. During my contractions there was a lot of pain, but I didn't feel that much pressure, and at no point did I feel anywhere near needing to push. When the doctor checked me I was still at 3cm. We had not progressed at all. The doctor wanted to do a c-section. She said the baby was trying to push through at 3cm and her head was getting squeezed. She said it wasn't just that I was progressing slower than they wanted, but that even with those intense contractions I had not progressed at all.
Mark and I talked about it, and decided to go with the c-section. At that point everything started happening very quickly. They had me drugged up and in the surgery room within 20 minutes. I tend to have strong reactions to medications and this time was no exception. I became sick from the meds and got to throw up while lying flat on my back. Then my throat became numb so I couldn't feel it,and my mouth would have spit in it,and I couldn't swallow and felt like I couldn't breathe. Finally they pulled her out, and Mark let us all know that he was right all along and it is in fact a girl. I told Mark to go be with her, because I knew he felt helpless with me. They brought her over to me so I could touch her and see her head full of red hair. They took her to the recovery room and Mark went with her, I followed a few minutes later. Once they got her all cleaned off in the recovery room they immediately put her on me to start breastfeeding. She had a perfect latch from the start.
We were stuck in recovery for two hours because the anesthesia took a long time to wear off me. Eventually I could finally move my toes and we made it back to the room. The first couple days everything was fine. My colostrum was coming in slowly, but she was doing fine. Then early Wednesday the nurse took Olive to the nursery to be weighed, and when she came back she told me Olive was jaundiced. Olive has a hematoma on the left side of her head from when she tried to push herself through when I was 3cm. The collection of dead blood cells was causing her jaundice. Also since she wasn't get much to eat, she wasn't able to get the toxins out of her system through pooping and peeing. They wanted me to start her on formula to help cleanse her system.
It was frustrating. The two things I wanted; a natural childbirth, and to be able to breastfeed, were both becoming impossibilities for me. I agreed to start her on the formula. Luckily for me my hospital is really big on breastfeeding, and the lactation consultants continued to work with me during our hospital stay so that Olive was able to have formula and breastfeed.
Because of the jaundice they wanted Olive to have light therapy. She had to be in her little hospital bed which was lit up from below, and then she had basically a sheet with sleeves that held her in the bed against the lights. We were supposed to keep her on the light as much as possible, and the only time we could take her off was to eat. She did pretty well during the day, but it made it almost impossible at night. She would wake up and cry and all we could do to comfort her was to stroke her face and head. I would count down to her next feeding so I could hold her and comfort her.
Luckily early Friday morning her bilirubin level was down so we could take her home without needing any further treatment. From the point we got to leave the hospital things just got better and better. My milk came in on Saturday and I was able to start weaning her off the formula, and can happily say she is completely breastfed now. Her jaundice seems to be fading, and she is a perfectly healthy, and happy baby.
When I think about having a c-section instead of natural childbirth I still feel disappointment and sadness. Looking back now it is easy to second guess, maybe I should have walked more, or put off the induction a couple more days. There is no way to know for sure if I could have done anything differently. In the end we have a wonderful little girl, and having her here with us is far more important than how she got here.
Well she is here. Olive Fiona Messier arrived one week ago today at 4:52 in the afternoon. She was 22 inches long, 9lb 12 oz with bright red hair. She ended up coming to us by c-section. Which was definitely not the original plan, but if this last year has taught me anything; "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."
When I had my last doctor's appt. they told us that they thought Olive was going to be pretty big. They also said I was still only dilated 1 and 1/2 cm. Mark and I agreed that we were willing to be induced Monday, March 14. That would be twelve days past our due date, and we felt at that point we had given enough time for things to get started on their own.
One of the bonuses of getting induced, was that my parents were able to know exactly when to come to town so they would not miss the birth. They arrived Sunday afternoon, Mark's parents were already in town, and we were all able to go out to dinner together Sunday evening. It was nice to have one last evening out all together in anticipation of our Baby Gator.
The doctors wanted me to come in Sunday night, and if I was still less than 2 cm, than they wanted me to spend the night receiving cervidil, a drug that helps ripen the cervix. Once we got to the hospital, and they checked me I was still only 1 and 1/2 cm. Which meant I needed the cervidil. My Dad ended up spending the night at the hospital with me. We knew that in all likelihood nothing was going to happen that night, and Mark is a notoriously terrible sleeper. I just made more sense to have my Dad who can sleep anywhere to stay with me. With the cervidil the baby had to be monitored at all times, which would not have been so bad except the bed was uncomfortable, and since I could only sleep on my side; every hour the side I was laying on would become so sore, and I would need to flip over. This meant a nurse coming in within 10 minutes of me flipping over to adjust the monitors on my belly. Between that and getting up to pee it was a pretty restless night.
The next morning Mark and my Mom arrived at the hospital. The removed the cervidil, and started me on pitocin. The pitocin wasn't very bad at first. From about 7:30-11:00 I was on the pitocin having contractions, thinking back that time doesn't really stand out for me. I was having contractions, but they weren't that bad. Then around 11 the doctor came in to check me, and break my water. I was dilated to 3 cm. When she broke my water there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. Which basically means the baby pooped in the uterus. This can be problematic for a few reasons, one of the positives for me was that it meant the doctor did not want to check my cervix very often because they did not want to contaminate anything.
At that point the doctor said they were expecting me to dilate about a cm an hour. From 11-4 the contractions got bad. Really bad. They were 1-2 1/2 minutes apart, and very intense. Around 3:30 Mark and I started talking about an epidural. My feeling was that I was already exhausted, and having the contractions so close together for so long meant I wasn't getting any sort of break. I couldn't rest at all and with the lack of sleep the night before I was worried that when it came time to push I wouldn't have any energy left and might end up needed a c-section. Mark and I agreed that it would be worth it to have the epidural if it meant not needing a c-section.
We called for the nurse, and they came in to give me the epidural almost right away. Right after that my doctor came in to check my progress. I had a feeling I had not progressed very far. During my contractions there was a lot of pain, but I didn't feel that much pressure, and at no point did I feel anywhere near needing to push. When the doctor checked me I was still at 3cm. We had not progressed at all. The doctor wanted to do a c-section. She said the baby was trying to push through at 3cm and her head was getting squeezed. She said it wasn't just that I was progressing slower than they wanted, but that even with those intense contractions I had not progressed at all.
Mark and I talked about it, and decided to go with the c-section. At that point everything started happening very quickly. They had me drugged up and in the surgery room within 20 minutes. I tend to have strong reactions to medications and this time was no exception. I became sick from the meds and got to throw up while lying flat on my back. Then my throat became numb so I couldn't feel it,and my mouth would have spit in it,and I couldn't swallow and felt like I couldn't breathe. Finally they pulled her out, and Mark let us all know that he was right all along and it is in fact a girl. I told Mark to go be with her, because I knew he felt helpless with me. They brought her over to me so I could touch her and see her head full of red hair. They took her to the recovery room and Mark went with her, I followed a few minutes later. Once they got her all cleaned off in the recovery room they immediately put her on me to start breastfeeding. She had a perfect latch from the start.
We were stuck in recovery for two hours because the anesthesia took a long time to wear off me. Eventually I could finally move my toes and we made it back to the room. The first couple days everything was fine. My colostrum was coming in slowly, but she was doing fine. Then early Wednesday the nurse took Olive to the nursery to be weighed, and when she came back she told me Olive was jaundiced. Olive has a hematoma on the left side of her head from when she tried to push herself through when I was 3cm. The collection of dead blood cells was causing her jaundice. Also since she wasn't get much to eat, she wasn't able to get the toxins out of her system through pooping and peeing. They wanted me to start her on formula to help cleanse her system.
It was frustrating. The two things I wanted; a natural childbirth, and to be able to breastfeed, were both becoming impossibilities for me. I agreed to start her on the formula. Luckily for me my hospital is really big on breastfeeding, and the lactation consultants continued to work with me during our hospital stay so that Olive was able to have formula and breastfeed.
Because of the jaundice they wanted Olive to have light therapy. She had to be in her little hospital bed which was lit up from below, and then she had basically a sheet with sleeves that held her in the bed against the lights. We were supposed to keep her on the light as much as possible, and the only time we could take her off was to eat. She did pretty well during the day, but it made it almost impossible at night. She would wake up and cry and all we could do to comfort her was to stroke her face and head. I would count down to her next feeding so I could hold her and comfort her.
Luckily early Friday morning her bilirubin level was down so we could take her home without needing any further treatment. From the point we got to leave the hospital things just got better and better. My milk came in on Saturday and I was able to start weaning her off the formula, and can happily say she is completely breastfed now. Her jaundice seems to be fading, and she is a perfectly healthy, and happy baby.
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| Back in the room the night she was born. |
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| Hanging with her Papa. |
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| Daddy's little girl. |
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| Finally home. |
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| Some much needed rest for all involved. |
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| She's very technologically advanced, she is already ichatting. Also, the first girly outfit she wore. |
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| Goodbye Gammie, thanks for staying and helping out. |
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| First carseat ride on the way home from the hospital. |
Thursday, March 10, 2011
41 weeks
Mark came with me to the doctor's appointment today. We knew that today a decision would have to be made on induction, and we decided that it made more sense for him to be there with me when discussing it with the doctor. Plus he wanted to see the baby on the ultrasound.
The ultrasound went really well. The baby is healthy, and the amniotic fluid levels look fine. Currently the baby is measuring 9lb 13oz, of course that's just a guesstimate and size predictions are notoriously wrong. The diameter of the baby's head is also measuring off the charts. Which I put a little more faith in, because of the way it is measured. It makes me very grateful that the baby's skull is not fused together yet.
Next we talked to the doctor. He asked when we wanted to induce, we said Monday, he said great. He checked my cervix and I am still at 1 and 1/2 cm. So much for all that walking last weekend. It looks like unless this baby figures out that is time to head out into the world, then Baby Gator will be joining the rest of us on Monday.
The ultrasound went really well. The baby is healthy, and the amniotic fluid levels look fine. Currently the baby is measuring 9lb 13oz, of course that's just a guesstimate and size predictions are notoriously wrong. The diameter of the baby's head is also measuring off the charts. Which I put a little more faith in, because of the way it is measured. It makes me very grateful that the baby's skull is not fused together yet.
Next we talked to the doctor. He asked when we wanted to induce, we said Monday, he said great. He checked my cervix and I am still at 1 and 1/2 cm. So much for all that walking last weekend. It looks like unless this baby figures out that is time to head out into the world, then Baby Gator will be joining the rest of us on Monday.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
40 weeks
I am not in labor. I have to preface most of my phone conversations with that now, so I figured I should start the blog that way too. Well March 2, has come and gone, and I'm not holding a baby gator in my arms. It's funny because if you refer back to my 38 week blog, I was feeling pretty content to let the baby come whenever it's ready, and feeling relaxed about the whole thing. The anticipation is starting to get to me. Because at any point from 38 weeks on it really feels like the baby could come at any time, so we have already had two weeks where I am super conscious of my body and wondering what every little pain and movement could mean. I get it now, I get why women it get frustrated when they go past their due date, it's like waiting to hear back about a job interview for weeks; it sucks. However, I am not giving in to my own impatience, I had a doctor's appointment today and I did not schedule an induction, yet.
As with all the previous appointments everything looks good. My blood pressure is good, I didn't gain any weight at all this week, my stomach is measuring on target, the baby's heart rate is good, and good baby movement. I am 1 and 1/2 cm dilated, and the doctor brought up inducing early next week. I told her I would prefer to wait closer to two weeks. She said how about next Friday, I said how about Monday the 14. She said she wants me to come in next Thursday and have an ultrasound to check my fluid levels, and have a fetal non stress test, to check on the baby. It sounds like depending on the results they will either let me wait until Monday, or will tell me I need to induce on Friday. I'm happy with the compromise. Of course the baby could could get off his/her butt and decide to join us before then. Which is what I am hoping for, because after 12 weeks of Bradley classes I really don't want to be induced.
No picture this week, because I am feeling lazy. Maybe I will write more this weekend and add a picture then.
As with all the previous appointments everything looks good. My blood pressure is good, I didn't gain any weight at all this week, my stomach is measuring on target, the baby's heart rate is good, and good baby movement. I am 1 and 1/2 cm dilated, and the doctor brought up inducing early next week. I told her I would prefer to wait closer to two weeks. She said how about next Friday, I said how about Monday the 14. She said she wants me to come in next Thursday and have an ultrasound to check my fluid levels, and have a fetal non stress test, to check on the baby. It sounds like depending on the results they will either let me wait until Monday, or will tell me I need to induce on Friday. I'm happy with the compromise. Of course the baby could could get off his/her butt and decide to join us before then. Which is what I am hoping for, because after 12 weeks of Bradley classes I really don't want to be induced.
No picture this week, because I am feeling lazy. Maybe I will write more this weekend and add a picture then.
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